To Whoever Needs It Most: ten takeaways from my 2020

Who would've guessed? After two years or so of pressing through what some may call a dry season, God heard my frustrated cry for help at the end of 2019-- "God, do anything to bring me into intimacy with you again! Let me feel you and see you working! Force me to love you above all else." Now I realize how scary of a prayer that is. But let me tell you, that prayer was the first step into coming into a place of healing and deeper intimacy with God. It was one of the first barriers of my own pride and selfishness getting knocked down. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was then God began truly showing me how I truly can't do anything apart from Him.

I want to share with you ten of the many things God has taught me and provided me with throughout this past year with the hope that you'll find some encouragement in your own faith walk! And if you're going through one of those dry seasons or a hopeless season drained by suffering, remember that God really is working in and through you even when you can't see Him or feel Him!

1. You're doing a good job!

I truly love encouraging people. I worked at a summer camp over the past couple months and it was hilarious to see as my constant affirmation of "you're doing a good job" spread like crazy until practically all of the staff were constantly saying it to one another. It kind of became a joke, but also brought smiles to everyone so I guess it still got the job done and made people feel loved and appreciated (which was the obvious goal!). However, I definitely have a tendency to over-encourage others all the while degrading myself. I push away the love and words of affirmation others try to give. God has shown me, however, that often it's my own pride. Even self-depreciation is a form of self-obsession. Over the past few months I have been trying to let God truly work in me and humble me to better accept encouragement and love from others. To allow others much wiser than I pour into me and point me back to the Source (and also learning to not feel like a burden). And of course, to actually believe and accept who God says I am in Him. We all fail, we all have to have those occasional hard conversations, but where we fail God gives us strength to keep at it and press deeper into His Truth and love! He's growing us through those shortcomings!

2. God is working in me and through me.

This has honestly been the central theme of my year. Oh, how much hard stuff has happened in my past 2-3 years that I just never processed and thoroughly prayed through. At the beginning of this year, I definitely hit a wall and all those numbed emotions began to swell and it hurt. I am still processing and healing and of course daily pressing into God's grace. However, as I worked at summer camp the last couple months I was in awe of how God used my own story (past, present messiness and all) as a ministry tool that truly brought hope and healing into the lives of my campers (and even staff at times).

Isn't that just how God works though? The other day I was reading the book of Philippians and God brought to my attention Philippians 1:12 in which Paul wrote, "I want you to know that what has happened to me [persecution and imprisonment] has really served to advance the gospel." God has always used hard circumstances to bring us closer to Him and to minister to others and He will continue to do so. It is the constant, humbling cycle of Him simultaneously working in us and through us.

3. It's okay to cry (and it's even okay to cry in front of people).

God sometimes has a funny way of humbling us and reminding us that we really can't do this life without Him and the help of the beautiful gift of community He has provided. Until this year, I honestly suppressed a lot of my emotions. Not only did I suppress them, I felt incredibly ashamed to cry and literally saw it as something extremely embarrassing and usually unnecessary. But God, of course, has been working in the most vulnerable places of my life, the places I feel most guilty about. This year countless times I found myself in my dorm room crying for a few hours at a time, or during quarantine there were literally days I could not stop all the tears from falling. And then the worst of it all, this summer there were a few times I found myself facing one of my worst nightmares-- crying in front of people! And not just one or two close friends, but a whole gathering of people, some of whom I barely even knew. In those hours of crying alone, however, the healing process began. And in crying in front of people, I discovered the richest love, support, and building up by my brothers and sisters in Christ! The art of crying is a lesson I'm still unraveling, one that continues to make me feel very uncomfortable. But it's one that God has shown me beauty in. Blessed truly are the ones who mourn because one way or another they always will be comforted!

4. Remember God's faithfulness.

As I prepare to move on to a brand new life season, I have to keep reminding myself how faithful God has been to me! If I dare to be honest, I am really scared for the next season and all the unfamiliar "new normals" the impact of Covid-19 has brought about. Here's the thing though that I have to tell myself over and over again: Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. He's already brought me through so much. He's working in me and through me. He's sanctifying this heart to be more like His every single day. And He will continue to be faithful because He is unchanging. Just as that overplayed worship song says, "Even when I don't see You, You're working." God will never leave us nor forsake us. He is faithful.

Psalm 75:1 says, "We give thanks to you, O God; we give thanks, for Your name is near. We recount your wondrous deeds." Let us always recount God's wondrous deeds so that we can dwell in His faithfulness and allow our trust in Him to strengthen. And learn how to better accept His will!

5. God gives good gifts. Notice them and keep them.

I've always at least attempted to keep a gratitude journal. However, over the past several months I've practically become a pro at it! There are so many cynics and complainers out there and I truly believe Satan delights in it. Because complaining distracts us from the goodness of God. One way to truly make Satan frustrated and angry is to intentionally, deliberately focus on the goodness of God and in response offer up the praise He so justly deserves! It is in gratitude that we can also find healing. Choosing to see God's good gifts (especially in the midst of suffering) allows us to find His joy and know He is working even when it's hard to see or understand. I am always a big advocate of gratitude journaling and would definitely encourage you to begin your own if you haven't already!

6. Abide. Love God and love others well.

Back in my freshman year of college, one professor had his class read a book called The Spirit of Disciplines by Dallas Willard. It's one of those books that I'll probably always remember and frequently turn to for encouragement, truthful reminders, and a whole lot of profound quotes I want to jot down in my journal or an old notebook. One of the primary quotes that has always stood out comes from his chapter on the main disciplines for the spiritual life: "The discipline of sacrifice is one in which we forsake the security of meeting our needs with what is in our hands. It is total abandonment to God, a stepping into the darkened abyss in the hope that God will bear us up."

Love truly requires sacrifice and our relationship with God is especially no exception. Specifically over this summer I learned how vitally important surrender is. Countless times while working as a camp counselor I found myself with literally nowhere to turn to but God. I remember one time in particular I got to sneak away for just a few minutes into an empty cabin where I sat on the sandy, dirty floor and just poured out every ounce of weakness and shortcomings to God. And it felt good. It was in admitting I couldn't do any of this on my own strength that I truly felt empowered through God's Spirit. It is impossible to love well at all if we do not first come to that sweet, sacred holy place of sacrificial abiding. It is in abiding that we learn the humble art of loving God and loving others well.

7. Read through entire books of the Bible in one sitting.

Over the summer, the camp program director (and pretty much my hero and unofficial spiritual leader & inspiration) challenged staff to read through entire books of the Bible during our personal quiet time with God. Honestly, this is a practice I wish I had begun ages ago. It's taught me so much about the context of scripture, how God works in our lives, and just how beautiful God's Word really is. I began by reading the book of Zephaniah in one sitting and then moved into the New Testament. Wow, how deeply I've fallen in love with God and His word through using this simple Bible study practice. And now I pass this challenge on to you-- please do it! You will never regret taking the time to read and dig deep into scripture (by the way, a great book to start in is Ephesians!).

8. Let a friend listen (and listen to them!).

There is a reason God gave us community. Recently while reading through the book of Acts a phrase that stood out frequently throughout the first couple chapters is "And they were together." It seems this is an essential theme for the entire Bible. From the very beginning when the triune God said, "and let us make them in our image" and "it is not good for man to be alone" to the end of revelation when all people are brought together to praise God with one voice, it is evident that we were made for community. To be together. To build one another up and to weep and rejoice with one another. I am always learning and relearning how to thrive in community, how to love with Christ-like love, how to not allow my love to have borders but also knowing when boundaries are essential.

I think the biggest lesson God has been teaching me about community and friendships in general is learning to be listened to and then listening in return. So much healing and encouragement comes from humbling yourself enough to tell a trusted girlfriend or two (or guy friend if you're a guy!) your story... or tell them about your day, or just verbally process together. I feel it is essential for both sanity and healing (and just friendship in general because it truly is one of God's greatest gifts!). Take a deep breath and dare to be vulnerable with that trusted pal (and know that they're probably honored that you'd trust them/happy to listen... try hard not to feel like a burden!), and then listen to their story in return and process alongside them.

9. Read and listen.

Over the past several months (specifically in quarantine), I have discovered some of the most glorious books and music. God has really been teaching me how to slow down long enough to simply read and listen to those more spiritually mature and wiser than I, to truly appreciate fresh perspectives and enjoy quality writing, communication skills, and art forms of all kinds. Of course, it would be silly of me to mention my finds without actually sharing them. So, I want to take a minute to do that with you. Two of my favorite books I've finally gotten around to reading are Loveology and The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, both written by John Mark Comer. I don't re-read books very often, but these are two I definitely foresee myself re-reading in the near future. Another book I absolutely loved is Suffering is Never for Nothing by Elizabeth Elliot. Elizabeth Elliot has long been one of my favorite authors (check out her book Let Me Be A Woman!!). She is truly so wise and a gracious wellspring of God's truth and light!

As for music, over quarantine I definitely became a little obsessed with John Mark Pantana's album, Mighty Grace. I had listened to his music here and there previously but all of the sudden it was so soothing and the truth He sings cut deep and I've been completely hooked ever since. Similar to the John Mark Pantana situation, randomly this summer Ecclesia worship music hit me hard and I've absolutely loved their stuff, especially their songs Ain't Got Love and Eyes Only for You. Rend Collective's album Choose to Worship came out at an incredibly needed time (right at the beginning of quarantine). Truly, this album has been a huge blessing and encouragement in my life. And lastly, Good Grace by Hillsong United has basically become my anthem this year. So many days this simple worship song has been on repeat and has truly become a song I've cried to, rejoiced while singing, and have prayed through.

10. Celebrate and have fun (don't take life too seriously).

It's a little too easy to get caught up in stress and insecurities and just never feeling good enough. But, we serve a God of joy! A God who sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17). A God who rejoices along with all the angels in heaven every time someone is saved (Luke 15:10). God has a sense of humor too! Life is one of His greatest gifts and He wants us to enjoy it. Use time wisely and offer it back to Him as a celebration of His goodness! Enjoy those slap happy moments, laugh with friends through games of mafia, watch those funny YouTube videos with your siblings, take your dog on those walks at sunset and marvel at God's creation (this is honestly one of my favorite pastimes!); go out for coffee, step out of your comfort zone to love another well, go visit that petshop and cuddle all the puppies, hike that mountain, buy that cute outfit (as long as it's in your budget!), go on that dream vacation. Learn to love life because it is truly a gift and a gift we only have for such a short amount of time here on the earth. Learn to see God's goodness and press into His grace. He wants you to love what He's given you-- do your best not to waste this opportunity! Don't get caught up in the stress and cynicism! Find joy in the little things as you find rest in God.

I wish I could say I am one hundred percent healed after all God's done in my life the past year or so. However, that's something I've got to wait for because none of us will be fully sanctified until we're face to face with God in heaven. As for now, I still have doubts and insecurities. I still feel the weight of guilt and shame myself for selfishness I'm far from proud of. I am still learning how to process and how to live well and love well in community. But, that's where trusting God and daily surrendering Him comes in. He's always growing and humbling each one of us. He wants us to love Him as He loves us. And He promises that as we draw near to Him, He will always draw near to us

~Faye Jean