Understanding the Guy/Girl Relationship

To be honest, there is one thing that saddens me within my peer group. One thing that has lately been weighing heavily on my heart. Something I believe deserves our full attention for a hot minute.

I go to a Bible college- a place where we should have a higher standard of humanity. A place where we should have a deeper, genuine love for our brothers and sisters in Christ. Not just because we need to respect the morals of the institute we attend, but most importantly, because as Christ followers we need to view the people we do life with and cross paths with in the hallways as image bearers of our Creator.

I see it as I study in the coffee shop and girls flirt with the guy baristas. I see it at the cafeteria tables as girls force guys to notice them through flirtatious jokes. I see it with guy friends who are easily influenced by the constant flattery girls seductively barrage them with.

This blog post is an open letter to all of us girls- a word of encouragement, possibly conviction, and most definitely a reminder of the golden rule. I do not pretend to have all the answers. But I do want to shed some light on this critical, often overlooked topic.

Subconsciously, I believe we too often stand on the side feminism. We like to focus on the guy and accuse him of being too visual. We like to point fingers at him and blame him entirely for sexism. Too often we look to empower women and forget that men are human too. It doesn't matter what kind of of feminist movement it is ("Christian" or secular)- feminism is not okay when we take a major leap from degradation of women to the degradation of men. How are men and women considered equal if we constantly go back and forth, degrading one and then the other? This alone contradicts the feministic idea that is generally acknowledged.

Both guys and girls can be at fault when it comes to objectifying each other and making poor decisions in how we treat one another, but I want to take a moment to focus specifically on how we, as young women, treat our brothers in Christ. I find this is a huge moral issue among my peers.

The thing that saddens me is that so many girls fail to view guys in a Biblical way. To put it bluntly, we often look at each guy we come across as if he is a "fresh piece of meat". With each conversation we seem to be in a constant cycle of checking him out, wondering if maybe he could possibly be "the one." But girls, guys should not be objects we prey upon. Men are humans too, created in God's own image. They deserve our respect and dignity. They don't deserve our derogatory comments or criticism. Rather, they deserve to be treated as image bearers, valuable and a critical part of God's precious creation.

Ephesians 4:29 reminds us, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

It can be easy to reside in the complacency of culture. Our media, entertainment, the people we hang out with seem to have this perception of men- that they are dumb, a constant source of comedy and a target of belittlement. They are simply objects of flirtation. Of course, this is not the purpose of man. Rather, humanity is created to bring glory to God. And we are to show the love of Christ to everyone we cross paths with. This is not to mean that we should automatically be best friends with every guy or gal we meet- but we should still treat them graciously, courteously, knowing that God created them for a specific purpose in this world and in His kingdom.

Another area of confusion comes when we view guys as brothers in Christ. You see, a biological brother is a completely different kind of relationship from a brother in Christ. Maybe it goes without saying, but I believe it is still vital to understand.

I wrestle, hug, even cuddle with my biological brothers. I may freely tell them "I love you" (along with a playful "I don't wanna see your face again" or "you're the worst" thrown in!). I spend tons of one on one time individually with my brothers. I would not treat a brother in Christ the same way- I would install boundaries to keep both of us safe and prevent heartbreak. I can not stress it enough in my own life and the lives of others, a biological brother is not the same as a brother in Christ. They are two completely different kinds of relationships. That is not to say you can't love a brother in Christ- but it is important to remember that you cannot replicate the relationship you might have with your biological brother.

Also, I think it is very helpful to view a "guy friend" as someone else's future husband. Would you want a random girl flirting with your spouse? It may sound cliché, but in the long run, it does make the world of difference.

And that brings me to my final point. Don't flirt with the word "love" as if it holds no weight. Telling someone "I love you" has depth and meaning. Those words can define, shape, and mold a person. A simple "I love you" holds more weight than most girls realize (and vice versa). Saying "I love you" holds meaning and self-worth. It is a sign that you are valued, recognized, you are loved.

One of my biggest prayers is that my generation will be able to live out the brother and sister in Christ relationship in a God-honoring way. That we will seriously strive to honor God in our friendships, that we will not degrade one another, but love each other in a sincere, respectful God-glorifying way.