As I began my first semester of Junior year back in August, I was full of anticipation. I had just returned home from studying abroad in the UK and Ireland and looked forward to cultivating the friendships I had made overseas. I was overjoyed to be reunited with friends I had made the previous year on campus. Close friends were entering relationships and I was excited to see where God would lead them. I was about to start a brand new job at a dog daycare facility in Chicago. Life honestly seemed too good to be true. 

I had so many hopes and dreams for the semester. And yet if I were to use one word to describe the past several months I would have to say humbling. 

From intense academics to death in the family, this semester was like an intense roller coaster (and of course, roller coaster rides always include joy amidst the chaos!). 

One thing I have always prided myself in is relationships. Even if academics fall apart, even when life is crappy, even when it seems impossible to drag myself out of bed, I can still cultivate healthy, beautiful, close friendships. And yet over the last several months that seemed to be one of the biggest idols in my heart that God brought to my attention. 

I am not saying I haven't struggled relationally before. That would be a lie. I've lost friends, I've had to create boundaries, there's been friendships that have had to end in order to protect myself and for the other person to protect their own selves. Friendships are beautiful gifts but they can also can be one of the most challenging things in this life. 

This semester I definitely have not lost friends. If anything I've grown so much closer to some of my dearest friends. But the thing is, I have been a life-long people pleaser. God has been showing me that though love has boundaries, it has no borders. And that includes the perception of others I can frequently be boxed in by.

We often jest about "the cool crowd" and the "nerds" and perhaps in high school we see that play out. And while we may not create verbal devision, I feel even in "the real world" we make it clear that there are different types of people. There are the people we like and don't like and the two shouldn't intertwine. In our culture, it's so easy to kick people out of our lives that don't meet our criteria of "good." Once loving someone becomes difficult, we back out of the relationship. Once it's no longer convenient, we quit putting in the effort. Once a friend is "kicked out of the friend group" it's too difficult to extend any kind of kindness for fear of also being looked down upon. We too often crack under the pressure of other humans, looking for their approval rather than God's (Galatians 1:10).

The sad thing is that this happens even within the body of Christ. I see it in my school. We form our clicks and we perch there, looking down upon others simply because it's comfortable. We feel bad for those "left out" but in reality, do we ever try to do anything to make them feel welcomed and loved? 

To love is to step out of our comfort zone. Love is both the laughter and the confrontation. It doesn't mean we have agree with a person or that we have to be best friends with that person. Sometimes loving is simply giving a smile and saying "hi" in passing. Other times it's seeing someone alone and coming alongside them and intentionally asking how they're doing, how you can support them, pray for them, and so on. Love involves sacrifice. However, that's not to say there isn't joy within the sacrifice. 

Hebrews 12:2 says, "Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before. He knew, despite the current suffering, that He would be resurrected, seated with His Father in heaven, giving life to His creation. This is the joy set before Him. 

How do we obtain this sacrificial kind of love? 1 John 4:7 tells us that God is love. If God is love, then it is in abiding in Him (through studying His Word and praying to Him) that we can extend this love to others. In fact, it is when we abide in Christ that His light protrudes through us into the lives of others.   

Relationships are complicated. It's humbling to stand before another and ask for forgiveness. It's hard to confront a brother or sister in Christ. It's downright scary to extend kindness to one person knowing you'll be rejected by others. But when we are truly abiding in Christ, we cannot help but extend His sacrificial love to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and point unbelievers towards our Lord and Savior.

I'll be the first to admit that my semester did not go quite as I had planned. There were many disappointments and grey areas that I found hard to navigate. That being said, there were also some of my favorite memories intertwined these past several months. From hanging in coffee shops and trifting to long talks late at night and loads of laughter shared, I had some amazing moments with the best of people. There was definitely joy within the chaos and I am unbelievably grateful for this season of growth-- growth in friendship, growth in my relationship with God, and growth as an individual. I look forward to the adventures 2020 has to offer!